How To Help Your Children Cope With Divorce
By: Kaylania Chapman

As a woman who was born out of wedlock, I truly understand the concepts of divorce.  Divorce ran rampantly in my family.  I watched my mother go through a painful divorce in the ‘90s while I was in high school.  She was married to my step-father at the time, and she tried very hard to keep her marriage together, even though she knew that it was falling apart.  I, myself, have been through a divorce.  There were red flags even at the beginning of the relationship, yet I ignored them.  In 2002, my son was born, although the marriage was still on the rocks after being married over nearly 2 years.

My ex-husband and I now share custody, but it has been a bit difficult for my son at times to cope.  As parents, sometimes we can be selfish with our own agenda and personal goals that we tend to forget about our little one’s well-being.  What happens to us as parents can have a direct impact on our children.  My son was hurt for a few years during the process of the divorce.  My son is 7 years old now, but has matured about the situation as I matured.  How the parents treat each other during the aftermath ties into how the child reacts.  Proverbs 22:6 says “Teach a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it”.

If the parents remain bitter, unforgiving, violent, angry, resentful, and power-hungry towards one another, the children will pick up on that emotionally.  Not all childhood ailments come from heredity conditions.  Children’s environment affects their health as well.  Pressure and tension in a household can cause children to get nosebleeds, develop asthma, and other health problems.  The key to helping kids cope with a divorce is dealing with your ex-partner first.  Even if parents may have had a mutual and non-argumentative divorce, the child is still affected by the results. Hebrews 12:15 clearly states “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled”.

Parents need to sit down and have a one-on-one talk with their children before the word “divorced” is even mentioned.  Parents need to tell their children both sides of the story instead of hearing one side so confusion will not set in. After the divorce is over, parents should encourage their children to help them understand that it is not their fault and that the divorce of their parents had nothing to do with them.  Children should be able to express how they feel after the divorce to help them cope with the situation so they won’t feel left out. Divorce is not just an adult issue…it’s a family issue.

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